What a day. Indulge me while I give you nine things, from two perspectives...

The bad

1. There were so many battles with those two boys. Silly fights over silly things. Winding each other up on purpose. I ended up doing some shouting. Mostly I held on to my patience but it was at the expense of my joy.
2. I indulged in a cake. It was a huge lemon Viennese fancy. I discovered lemon should not be in a Viennese fancy. Bit of a waste of a cake treat.
3. I also indulged in a pizza. Beyond the point of full. Possibly even beyond the point of stuffed. Because I plan to treat my body like a temple for the next month so perversely needed to eat rubbish today.
4. I meant to finish working on my CVs. I got time for none of that.
5. I meant to have a nice chat with my parents this morning. Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum ruined that. The current state of play is: mummy tells them what to do. They don't do it. I tell them again. Ditto. By time four or five I get really shirty and even then I am often ignored. What's the point of speaking at all?
6. I meant to do some selfish sewing. No time for that either.
7. I woke up at 5am for no apparent reason.
8. I really do usually love spending time with the boys, and I have been so looking forward to half term. It's a bit of a shame when you build it up and then have a day that probably managed only about an hour total of relaxing, probably only an hour total of enjoying their company, and again an hour of lightness and happiness.
9. It was my birthday today. Which is why all the above was... let's be diplomatic and say disappointing.

The good

1. It was my birthday after all. And that's always nice to mark; nice to remember. Plus I'm a year younger than I thought I was going to be. It's the little things.
2. I got Anna Jones' new book. My body really is going to be a temple. Her first book is one of my favourites. And I have about forty so that's saying something.
3. Just look at that tree! It was a glorious autumn day. The light was amazing and the leaves around here are just every colour of autumnal loveliness right now.
4. That tree was in a park, and while the playground was too busy, the crazy golf was open but almost empty and the boys spent a good half hour running around it sans golf equipment, pretending to be spies or Ninjagos, using up lots of their energy (at last), and I got that same half hour sat on a bench reading a couple of blogs on the phone, actually enjoying them, and relaxing.
5. I had a bath. That can never be bad.
6. The middle son, instigator of many of today's troubles, who is going through a stage of being a bit selfish, a bit whiney, a bit 'that's not fair' was actually really quite lovely for about half an hour this morning in bed snuggling with me.
7. The lovely husband let me faff on the computer after the blow-out pizza dinner. He put the kids to bed by himself. He tidied the kitchen.
8. ... And he's taking me down the road for a couple of drinks now, where there will hopefully be a nice fire or two, and some lovely conversation.
9. And I wrote this. I vented and then I counted my blessings. I checked in on the blog. And tomorrow is, as someone rather glamourous once said, another day.

Crafting with Kids: home-made thank you cards in 3 quick & easy steps!

So this is the way it goes it my house: child has birthday. Child receives birthday presents. Child needs to send thank you letters. Mother keeps forgetting. It was the Little One's birthday in early June and now the month's been and gone I've really got to get these 'thank you' cards sorted!

It's important to me that those people who were kind and generous enough to give a present get a meaningful thank you in return. That means different things to different people, but to me it means a handmade thank you card.

It is also important to me that I don't give myself yet another huge 'to do' on top of everything else, and that writing 'thank you's' is not something my children dread as a chore. You can see the colourful 'thank you' cards my Tiny One made after his birthday here. But I can't do the same thing with the Little One (their birthdays are two months apart and my aunties would remember!).

Which brings me to...

Step one: Find an appropriate picture your child has made, or get them to make one. I used a Star Wars picture my six year old made for his Star Wars party but it would've been more sensible to find one on a white background. Of course, you can keep a coloured background but I was being thrifty and avoiding caning through all that yellow ink!

Step two: Scan and upload your picture. Now, if you have photoshop like me, you can white out the coloured background and add some text (I used a free Star Wars font that I downloaded). If not, get your fabulously helpful child to make you a bespoke picture and write 'thank you' etc on it. Using photoshop or your programme of choice, multiply that photo into four on an A4 sheet. You could do this using a photo mosaic programme too.

Step three: Print the photos out on thick paper stock, cut up and use! (Here's where it gets a bit tricky as you have to get your six-year-old to neatly write their name over a dozen times!)

Helpful? If you want more specific instructions on how to do this on photoshop (it took me less than half an hour), do let me know!

Southwold, family and aging

We all went to Southwold to celebrate my Dad's 70th birthday. My husband and my three boys, my parents, my brothers and their partners. And an auntie, a baby in a belly and a dog. This was all of my family and I have to tell you: I love them all like crazy. And I really like them (which I know not everyone can say about their families). Suffice to say, it was good to all be together.

We holed up in a big fancy house, ate good food, mooched around the Southwold shops, took walks, played on the beach, and generally fantasised about living there. I mean, just look at these pictures. I defy you to not want to visit, at the very least.

My youngest two boys just love the seaside. They are diligent diggers. They are wild wave jumpers. They screech when their toes are chased by the chilly sea and run away just slow enough to be caught by it. They build sandcastles, bury toes, and don't seem to mind if it's nippy or warm. They could stay there for hours and it's a shame we didn't always have time to.

My feet had their first wriggles in the sand too. Really I'm an inland girl at heart: I'd pick a wildflower-bordered country lane, a bluebell-bespeckled wood, a windswept hillside or a verdant stream over the seaside every time. But I still love to visit the coast.

It was good to all be together, but this 70th birthday felt important. Not only has my Dad had a few narrow escapes healthwise in the last few years, but he's really struggled with aging. I often felt the need to hold on to the gladness that he's here with us still, and also to discard the negativity over his getting older and instead count our blessings. I really hope he can learn to embrace the passing of time because, to me, it is a sign of how lucky he is. The alternative to aging is not to be here at all, and I know too many people who've lost older relatives to know that we should be cheering for getting older. It means life.

I got to know my brother's partner a bit more too. They've been together a year or two but I haven't met him much. My middle brother and I can be quite different but I feel really fond of him and sort of protective. The youngest brother has always got on with his life and done well out of it. I worry about my middle brother more and want good things for him. I think that's what his new partner is: a good thing. It was lovely to see my brother so settled and at ease in himself.

Ooh this blog post is turning out much more reflective than I thought. I guess it was that kind of a holiday. I guess that's what happens when you bring all the branches of your family together to mark a critical gateway in life. And there we all were: me settled with kids, my middle brother settling down, my youngest brother on the journey to fatherhood (he'll be such a good one). And my parents heading towards older age but with such youthful hearts. There was this one time when my mum and her sister took me into Seasalt to buy me a coat (and that's another story - watch this space!), and my dad and eldest son came in to give their opinions too, and I just thought: I'm not a strike-out-on-my-own kind of a person. I'm quite independent in lots of ways but, gosh, I really need to feel like I'm sandwiched in the metaphorical hug of a big family all the time. And weirdly, the older I get the more I feel I need them around.

It was a really good break. Southwold: I'm sorry I didn't say enough about you in this post. You were cheery and inspiring. You were the kind of place I felt I belonged in. I couldn't live there (coast!), but my goodness you were the perfect match for a holiday. And to my family: I meant it. I really, really like you lot.

In which my Little One turns six

This boy. Skinny as a rake, fast as a hare, with superhuman balance. He has a thirst for knowledge and answers; he has perseverance and tenacity. This boy who clings and cuddles yet strikes out with sure independence and autonomy. He is six today.

When he was born it was ten years since I had last had a child and he was like a new first to me. He still has many qualities of first born children: he is a planner, a rule-follower, an achiever, particular. He can be highly-strung. I am also a first-born. I feel a sense of affinity with him, an empathy.

He loves his friends and his family fiercely. He has an enduring love of yellow, since he was at least two. When my parents come to visit, he always asks them to bring apple & mango juice, smoked salmon and dates. He is a creature of habit and he needs a sense of security. He prefers the known to the new. 

He is serious and considered, yet has a wild and silly streak in his comfort zone. I love to watch it come out. He dances like a hillbilly. He loves to jump.

He loves Star Wars and superheros right now. He likes to read and to study fact books. He loves numbers and sports. If you play along with feigned ignorance, he does a mean magic trick. He eats nearly everything, and in it goes to his Tardis tummy. When playing with his brother, he likes to be in charge, but with big boys he hangs on every word. This is a boy who is going to be a scientist rather than an artist, a conformist rather than a rebel.

He is not my baby any more. He is still a mummy's boy but on his own terms. And though it can be bittersweet I love to see him stride out into the future, gaining confidence and sovereignty over himself. He is crossing the bridge from little boy to big boy, never too far from me, but not needing to hold my hand anymore. Yet in bed, when he cuddles goodnight, he won't let go. I'm thinking I should stop trying to get away to my chores or my own time, and let him hold on a bit longer.

He had a Star Wars party at the weekend but today is just about our family, his favourite dinner (veggie lasagne and a lemon (yellow!) cake), and getting to know his new toys. My love for him is strong, calm and deep - like an ocean - and I am feeling it heartily today.

Sewing: a windmill zoo reading cushion, for my tiniest four-year-old boy

I don't know if I'm allowed to gush about my own work. Am I? But I just love this cushion so much. It's 65cm square, using a cheap cushion pad from Ikea that's not very puffy - on purpose. I didn't want a big squidge of a cushion that you roll off of. I wanted a nice big flattish square that you sink into and look at books, build train tracks, and colour pirate ships on. And all of those things have been done.

The blue stripy fabric is thrifted. The yellow dots are Art Gallery Chromatics Pointelle in yellow, bought from Celtic Fusion Fabrics. And all three zoo prints are different colourways of the lovely Alexander Henry 2D Zoo which I adore and had shipped over from Fabricworm in the US (couldn't find it in the UK at the time) a couple of years ago for the Tiny One's bed quilt.

The cushion was a gift for the Tiny One's fourth birthday. Four, people. Time just keeps marching forward, doesn't it? He is such a sunshiny boy: bright and sparky, joyful and warm. I love him to the sun and back, and even further than that. There were so many times before I got to hold him in my arms, four years ago, when we thought we had lost him. And there were times when he was small and I was so, so afraid that he had lost me. I just feel so lucky now that we're both here, part of this family, all loving each other and getting to stride forward into the future. It's why I'll never say 'I wish he could stay this little', because I know how lucky I am to be here, watching him growing up.

Baking: a toffee apple cake for my three-year old

Happy Birthday Tiny One! He turned three. It feels like he's on an express train to grown-up some days.

He asked for an apple cake for his birthday. He also asked for a lion cake for his lion birthday party. I won't show you the lion cake. It was atrocious. I mean, he was happy, and it tasted really good, but it was the ugliest cake I've ever made for a birthday. And considering that I have three boys, 15, 4 and 3, that's a lot of birthday cakes it comes behind.

But the apple cake a few days later was a winner. I looked at quite a few recipes, but apple cakes are quite teatime-ish and not so very birthday-ish, aren't they? Then I stumbled on the Apple Cake with Toffee Topping in Tessa Kiros' Falling Cloudberries. It's a lovely plain cake sat atop melded apple slices and topped with toffee sauce, both of which take it most definitely into the birthday category. We are still enjoying it! It's lovely with a cuppa mid morning (who, me?!). You can find the recipe if you 'look inside' on amazon, p.269, but I'll give it to you here too, in my own words, as the Amazon version is in US measurements...

Tessa Kiros' Apple Cake with Toffee Topping

For the cake, you'll need: 3 apples, 100g softened butter, 200g caster sugar, 1 tsp vanilla extract, 3 eggs, 200g plain flour, 2 tsps baking powder, 60ml milk.

And for the topping: 20g butter, 115g caster sugar, 125ml single cream.

Preheat the oven to 190oC and grease and flour a 24cm springform tin. Peel the apples, and cut each into 12 pieces, removing the core. Arrange the slices in the tin (they fit in two tightly packed concentric circles).

With an electric beater or whisk, cream your butter, sugar and vanilla until pale and creamy. Then add the eggs one by one, beating well each time. Sift and beat in the flour and baking powder, followed by the milk. Plop the smooth, fluffy batter onto the apple slices, smoothing the top. Then bake for 35-45mins until a skewer comes out clean (I use wooden skewers or a piece of dry spaghetti). Remove from the oven to a cooling rack, but keep it in its tin.

Time for the toffee: cook the butter and sugar in a small pan for 3-4mins until the sugar melts and turns a light caramel. Add the cream very slowly at first. Lower the heat and simmer for another minute. If your caramel solidifies in the middle of creamy sea (yes, that was mine), just heat slowly and use a sauce whisk. To start with the caramel will stick to it but be patient - eventually you'll be lump-free and caramel-coloured!

Run a palette knife around your cake sides then add the toffee sauce. Leave to cool before removing the side of the tin. Ice-cream or cream would be lovely with it, but we had neither and loved it still. It keeps well in the fridge - we're on day 3, it's still yummy and there's still 1/4 left. Not for long!

Baking: fire engine birthdays and Easter days

The Tiny One turned two! Not so tiny any more. He had a little party with his chums. I made Nigella's birthday biscuits from The Domestic Goddess, with a number two cutter and Smarties. You can never go wrong with Smarties.

I had a bit of a cake dilemma: the Tiny One asked for a fire engine, but I just wasn't comfortable with all the red food colouring that would entail for toddlers. I had a little brainwave and went with red fruit covering instead. You have to squint a bit to see it (!) but the cake above is a fire engine shape, coloured red with strawberry halves, peanut butter & jam biscuits for the wheels (another recipe from The Domestic Goddess), a breadstick ladder and blue candles for the fire engine lights. It was, to coin my Essex heritage, proper yum!

But the Tiny One wasn't content with just one cake, oh no. His party was nearly a week after his birthday so I asked him what cake he'd like for the day itself and he chose satsuma cake! Now, a) he's completely invented the idea and b) that's a pretty cool choice of a cake from a two-year-old who could have gone for something much less healthy and discerning. Luckily for me my elephantine memory for recipes (thank goodness my memory works for something) remembered Nigella's Christmassy clementine cake from How to Eat which involves boiling clementines for a ridiculous amount of time then pulverising them. Et voila! It was seriously good.

Here's the rest of the party fare, mid-party: number two biscuits (Nigella's How to be a Domestic Goddess, p.212), peanut butter & jam jewels (same book, p.221), peanut-butter squares (same book, p.223, and oh my goodness they were incredible), and the cake (buttermilk birthday cake, p.210). It all went on my sewing table. Now that's sacrifice for you.

We also made these Easter nest cakes (since we're in the baking zone). Last year I made a proper Easter cake which was fabulous but time-consuming. These no-bake Shredded Wheat and chocolate affairs were simple, moreish and still had the requisite Easter-wow factor. If you're a time-poor, aim-high mum (like me!), go for them. I'm definitely nest caking again next year. Want to know the recipe? Oh go on then (another Nigella Domestic Goddess affair - yes, I can get a bit cook-book obsessive). I've put the ingredients in bold...

Melt 200g milk chocolate and 25g dark chocolate with 25g unsalted butter. I did this in the microwave on low, you can use a bowl over a steaming pot of water if you want. Stir it then leave it for a moment to cool. Crumble 100g shredded wheat into another bowl then mix in the chocolate. Your children will love this bit (mine did). Take little handfuls and place them on a lined baking sheet in vague nest shapes. Nigella says to make them about 7cm in diameter but I went smaller so I felt less guilty about the little ones eating them (and me, let's be honest). She also says to add the approx 25 chocolate eggs once cooled but I added them at the point of making so that they'd stick. They then sat in the fridge for about an hour before we started gobbling. (Proper recipe can be found in Nigella's How to be a Domestic Goddess, p.231)

Baking: My mother-in-law likes chocolate

My mother-in-law likes chocolate. And it was her birthday. And I like baking (and chocolate). So the littler boys and I baked her a cake (the first recipe in the Chocolate Cake chapter of Nigella's Feast).

 

Looks nice? Tasted fabulous. We'll definitely be making that one again.

 

And in other news, I haven't blogged for a while because a) I'm crazy busy, b) I'm kind of knackered, not just physically but in terms of running out of inspiration or time or anything, and c) I need a bit of shaking up.

 

Shaking is going on now. My husband and I are concocting plans to make this family, this house, this life of ours run a little bit smoother and a little bit better.

The Little One's boy drive & dig quilt

I've finally got around to showing you... I made the Little One a quilt. It covers his single size bed. It has lots of yellow (favourite colour), cars, diggers, cranes, and other driving and digging paraphernalia! Yes, I have a builder-obsessed pre-schooler.

 Those are my hands, in case you wondered. Yes, they are very little.

And there's the mustard back. Please don't look too closely or you'll see a lot of wonky lines and a few little puckers where they shouldn't be! But it was my first proper single quilt, so I'm being kind to myself about it. I made it with the quilt-as-you-go method. I'd recommend it, but only if you have a cutting mat, quilter's ruler and rotary cutter. I have these now, I didn't then, and look at all that wonky!

 

PS I have the quilting bug really badly.

 

PPS It's December already. Did you notice? I didn't. I am so behind in my present sewing. So I'm off to my sewing corner now.

Stitch a card? Genius!

It was my mother's birthday. I made her a bag (more of that later). I made her a card from the same fabric. And, oh, I am in love. Why have I never stitched a card before? And would I be completely mad to attempt to stitch all my Christmas cards this year? As usual I've got so many more plans than the capacity to complete them.

 

PS A belated happy birthday again, Mum. You are just super.

Sunshine on a rainy day*

(* yes, you have to sing that)

Does that cheer you up a bit? Chatsworth in the summer. And that's the back of the Little One when he was a bit littler.

How about this? It's a Malteser birthday cake (Nigella, naturally, and found in 'Feast') that I made (again) for the Big One's fourteenth. Yes, fourteenth. I feel ancient.

 

Or this? Pumpkin pie for Halloween. It was a Hummingbird Bakery recipe that I slightly over-did with the cloves. But it was universally loved.

 

It's been rainy both actually and metaphorically. Really, really hard. One of those days when you never catch up with the version of yourself that's getting it all right. When you get to the end of the day and feel like, although you've hardly stopped all day, your list of things you wanted to get done still lies unaccomplished.

 

I have so much to do. And blogging isn't on the list so goodbye friends! Let's hope tomorrow's better.

 

 

Trick or treat

 

Completely useless title for this post: yes, it's Halloween; but no, I've nothing Halloweeny for you. Patience my friends! I am, however, showing you a statue from Chatsworth that I think would make a fabulous costume... one to hold in the bank until the kids are bigger I think. It's a Barry Flanagan sculpture from an exhibition that has just ended. We loved it.

 

Anyway, to business. Shall we catch up on some sewing? I was a bit poorly in August, but September saw the following creations:

More name bunting, for another new arrival. I couldn't tell you what all the fabric is anymore, though I hope you'll recognise Miffy in the 'O'. The red check is from Ikea and the beautiful green tigers behind bars are from Eleanor Grosch's Zoo Menagerie collection, which I purchased here.

I also made a 'man bag' (for want of a better term - yes, I know the better term is messenger bag) for my littlest brother. It is the best thing I've ever sewn, technically speaking, and the pattern was from Mollie Makes issue ten. The original design was quite 'shabby chic' but that won't do for a non-shabby man! So I went with some masculine Ikea fabrics with a hint of deckchair about them.

 

I'm especially proud of the lining and the inner pocket. Now here's the embarrassing confession: I've not sewn an inner pocket before. Or a lining for a bag. Or curved corners. Or, wait for it...

A buttonhole. But now I've done it all, I'm hoping I can progress from novice sewist to beginner sewist. Only 43 more rungs to climb then! (Oh I wish I could say I was daunted but actually I'm desperate to get back on the sewing machine. I'm quite pathetically addicted).

A few more things I've been sewing

I said I'd give you a sewing catch-up. We're half-way there, so here's some more...

I made a wall/bed hanging pocket thingy (what would you call it?) as a 3yr old's birthday present. I'd like to say the wonkiness is as a result of perspective, but it's me not measuring properly. Lesson learnt! Still, I'm rather fond of it. I'd love to make one for the Little One.

The lovely fabric is from Robert Kaufman's 'City Centre' collection: 'City Commute' in primary (here's an example). I bought it from Fabric Rehab but they've currently run out.

Here's the second of my commissioned lengths of bunting. It's for a little girl with yellows, browns, neutrals and greens in her room. Her mum picked out the fabrics. Aren't they lovely? Good taste! I can't wait to see it in situ. There are some curtain samples from my mum in there, some fabrics I'd bought, part of my dad's 1970's corduroy brown trousers (!) and broderie anglaise from a pillow I had as a child. Hard to part with, but off to a good home.

 

And for another 3yr old's birthday (we're in the middle of a long run of them), I used some apron fabric I picked up at our local fabric mill's second's shop. I really love Maisy Mouse. With a bit of pretty yellow ribbon and some careful hemming (a curve! I know, you've all probably done one before, but it was quite something for me), it came together in just under two hours. I have the fabric for two more. Hooray!

Yes, that is the Tiny One making his mark. I know I don't usually show photos of my boys but this one is still very anonymous and I just couldn't resist that little dimpled hand in the picture. I'm off to give it a squeeze now.

Catching up

There's about a month missing isn't there? I thought I'd write a quick post to show you (to coin a phrase) a few things I made earlier...

I made a mobile. Gosh it took a long time. But I'm happy with how it turned out. My favourite bit is the felt circles. You've got to love a bit of felt.

I want to make something similar for my boys but you know what it's like - there's never the time to make things for your own family and home. I'll add it to the 'one day' list!

The Little One had a party. Builder-inspired - he's nothing if not consistent, that one. So I made him a builder's cake (chocolate on the outside, yellow on the inside as specified) using Nigella's custard birthday cake recipe.

I also made some snack-time cheese biscuits in the shape of crane hooks (hooks are a big thing round here lately), a long rocky road for the builders to drive on (a big success; broken up for the 'grown ups' to eat), builder biscuits and rice krispie chocolate boulders. It was a morning-only party as the village Jubilee street party picnic was calling on us all at lunchtime. I wish the Jubilee happened every year - it's a lot less stressful having a shorter party with no meal to provide!

I have more to show you, but that's for another time!