It doesn't matter if you've gone. I'm happy to write to myself a while.
I've been doing some building. And some re-building. Life has been good for some time but it is only recently, in the last few weeks, that I feel like I'm getting into my groove. The groove that I had pre-two-toddlers. The groove that I have on my better days and in my better hopes. I'm being the me I'm supposed to be and that's a stellar feeling.
I'm counting my blessings more. I'm getting drunk on the small things. I'm remembering what really matters and I'm also accepting that the things that don't really matter are sometimes still important, if they give you that stellar supposed-to-be feeling.
Back in the summer when we found this beautiful, heart-scratching memorial, I couldn't help but think about how small we are in the crowded vaults of history, and yet how each small loss is a universe of pain and tragedy. This grave-marker haunts me still, but in the nicest of ways. It is good to remember how we all blend into a galaxy of stars, but each one can house a full planet of living. It has been good to think on this as my dad stood up against death's front door, and then, to all our joys, was carried far away from it again.
I am hunkering down, embedding into the curtain-shutting that is autumn. I am feeling very present in our homemade village, and glad to have its soil under my feet. It is a beautiful place, no? We chose to be here. It has involved sacrifice and compromise, but I defy you to find a positive choice in life that hasn't a little darkness at the edges. That's our tiny garden by the way, with the rotary washing line up. It's been like that for weeks, despite air-drying being a distant memory. The rain (see above!) has caused our mossing, rotting decking to turn into an ice-rink, so I can't safely get down to put it away.
I had no idea what I was going to write today, only that today was the day to start writing. It turns out I'm in a random, philosophical musings kind of zone, so if you're still there you'll have joined me in it. We'll get back to normal around here soon. That building I'm doing is really a kind of growing. Little ideas are rising from sapling to, I hope, spruce-like immensity one day. I'll tell you a few of my practical plans before I go...
- The blog's coming back into regular use. I just like doing it. After so much questioning of it and its purpose, I've decided that's reason enough.
- The sewing's a lot more regular these days. I've made quite a bit in the last couple of months. I'm going to show it to you.
- The sewing's also getting closer to the tiny little business I dream of. I've got more research to do, but I plan to make, make, make until Christmas to up my skills and experience, and then boom.
- I'm going to give this little blog more of a regular shape. It's really just a sapling idea for now. Watch this space (quite literally).
- Already thinking of Christmas, there's a lot of crafting to get done until then.
- I have lots of home plans too. Does this blog have space for the odd bit of DIYing? Do I?!
- It was my birthday very recently. I got a breadmaker. I'm saying here in black and white that I'm not buying any more supermarket bread, but making all my own. Ha! I know, I fail on all my plans. But I get more done than I would've done if I hadn't planned at all.
And with that, a bientot.