Too much to do, too much mess. Random, metaphorical messy straw photo above to illustrate this.
Are any of you still out there? I have a few truths to tell you...
- My husband has been on crutches for several weeks. It has been like having another child to look after, only worse as I've had no one to help with the real children. Things are getting better now, but it was such a full-time job that the blogging experienced an emergency stop.
- I hated it at first. I missed the writing for the creativity and for the moments it gave me to feel so truly myself. I missed the reading of everyone else's blogs to feel inspired and to feel in touch with a community of like-minded crafters and writers out there.
- But then something changed. I had been feeling so overwrought with things to do each day. I had been feeling that each role in my life was hitting a ceiling of 80% success and I didn't have the time to devote to anything to do better. I hate feeling unsuccessful. I hate not feeling on top of things.
- I think that maybe, with showing you the best of me and my life on the blog, I neglected to tell you the truth of the neglect in my real life. Maybe that's a bit of a calamitous way to put it. But some days I was fighting so hard just to get the breakfast things washed and tidied up before dinner time. I'm not kidding. And it wasn't rare. Don't even get me started on the ironing mountain, the dust graveyard on all the shelves, the dinner I didn't defrost in time, and the constant, constant forgetfulness and breaking of promises.
- Without the reading and writing in the blogosphere, suddenly I've been having some really good days. Some on-top-of-things days. Some 90% days. It's been so good.
- One day I made a banana cake, gardened with the boys, tidied the house, made time for my friends, and made a batch of chutney. In one day! I suddenly felt like I fitted into my skin. I had stopped drowning in all the things I had to do and could never catch up with. I started to swim. Heck, some days I even started to surf!
- But I do still miss it, this writing. In an ideal world, I would be able to do it all. I think that ideal world might come into being once the Little One is at nursery part-time. And then, knowing me, I'll probably wish I didn't have time to do it all and instead had him at home with me all the time, living back in the chaotic glory of having two darling little ones around.
So here's what I propose... no more posting most days, or even every other day. How about once or twice a week, a big newsletter-style catch-up? It's only a few months until the Little One goes to nursery and then we'll reassess. What do you think?
And as to the reading of all the other blogs... well I'll get back to that at some point. I like to read them for their own sake.
Obviously reading and commenting around the blogosphere helps generate readers here. But I don't want to be a salesman any more. If you happen to find me and like what you read, please do read on, please do come again. I will try to be good to you; I will certainly be welcoming. And I can promise you I prefer the quality of faithful reader-friends to the quantity of capricious reader-acquaintances.
Things are changing around here. That 80% ceiling is coming crashing down.